he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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