So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't tell me you're on acid again
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
