bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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