The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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