dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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