im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
