So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
