the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
