He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
