At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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