were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
