You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
