worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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