the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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