he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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