the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
