I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
