he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she peed on how many people?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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