So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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