So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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