Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
