and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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