Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
