at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
