I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
