Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
