do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
