I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
