But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
