All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
