I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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