shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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