I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
