Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
