Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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