I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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