don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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