i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
