found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
