I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
