Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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