Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
