Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
