What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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