Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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