I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
