i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
