She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
