Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize