I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
