Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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