My first STD was from a foam party
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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