I want to make a zoo with you.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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