i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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