i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
