I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
