did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
