we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
