And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
