I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
