I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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