Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
