Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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