he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can text with my tongue
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
