Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
