I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize