He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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