I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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