Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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