this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
