so explain again why im purple
no
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
