If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
