Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
