What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
