respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
