so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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