Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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